The Punisher is my Spirit Animal

The Punisher is my Spirit Animal

Monday, January 9, 2017

Happiness? I guess...

See there, the quote? Read it, stare at it. Do you understand it? If you do, do you find it hard to deal with and accept? I do.

     My mood has been somewhat off for a long time, I can go from joyous to angry in a second due to simple things. The worst part about it, is that you won't know when I'm past my tipping point, because I have learned to bottle up my emotions. Doesn't sound very good does it?

     Happiness has become a very vulnerable emotion to me, and being happy is not when I smile or laugh. It is when I am comfortable in my skin, which is very rare, and am comfortable with my surroundings. When I'm not constantly tired and cranky and my temperament is moody and "Emo" as some as called me.

     I have a record with all of my friends that I have set for myself and I wish I could take back. You see, they see me as a hardened creature that it very cold, rough, and a little violent, but there is something through that shell of mine that I only wish I could show.

     Being with family that I love and friends that I trust bring me great happiness, not always, but for the most part. I wish I was able to show my friends how much I appreciate them, that I'm not always some demon thing, but I'm constantly distracted my lack of happiness that I have blamed for so long on my surroundings. Because I've let my anger settle itself inside my emotion bank to long without doing anything about it, I find myself constantly being upset, as the days go by finding it more and more difficult to be Truly Happy. 

     I fake it a lot at home so I don't concern my mother, and I cover a lot of it up at school too so I don't place an annoying burden on my friends. Heck, there's still a bunch of emotional crap that I didn't share in this post.
     I want to be TRULY HAPPY so bad...

You see this? Do you think it is easier said than done? I do.

     SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many things have upset me during 2016 that are completely out of my hands legally, and I am not that type of person that just lets things go. No, nothing is ever that simple for me.
     The happiness that I want is nearly out of reach.

This blog wasn't what it was supposed to be, but hopefully you guys -or whoever reads this- will take these quotes and learn from them, so you can be happier. 

1 comment:

  1. Shantelle, what a courageously honest post. It takes courage to believe it that which seems perpetually out of reach. It takes wisdom to refuse to be satisfied with the vapid, inane ignorance that is too often the source of what people call their "happiness." To keep one's eyes open, to see what is (including all that is ugly, painful, and unjust) and yet still preserve genuine ties to a place of peace, abundance, and joy: that is one of the central challenges of life.